Know

It is likely that some children and families in your care will face challenging life events that can put their mental health and overall well-being at risk. Such events might include death, divorce, job loss, relocation, violence in the home, or separation. As a child-development professional on or near a military installation, you will also likely work with children who experience deployment, or you may experience deployment in your own family. Deployment is a difficult time in the lives of children and families. Each family handles these challenges differently, and each child will have unique needs. Nevertheless, there are typical changes you can expect as children experience challenging and stressful transitions and life events.

This lesson describes the effects of stressful events on young children’s lives while highlighting ways you can support children and their families during times of crisis. You will learn the typical emotional and behavioral experiences of children before, during, and after deployment, and the ways you can support children and their families at each stage of deployment.

Stress in Young Children’s Lives

Young children’s reactions to stress may be different from older children’s reactions. Unlike older children, younger children may not always be able to verbally express exactly what they are feeling, for example whether they are afraid, anxiouis, confused, angry, sad, or feeling helpless (Zero to Six Collaborative Group, National Child Traumatic Stress Network, 2010). Although older children are typically better able to label their emotions and may be capable of expressing the reasons behind their feelings, remember that the level of self-awareness and verbal expression of emotions can vary from child to child. Children may not always use their words, or even have the right words for the complex emotions they may feel (e.g., pride in their parents’ military service, but also fear for their safety during deployment). Their feelings are often manifested in their behaviors, and these behaviors can be clues about what they feel inside. When dealing with stressful events, children may: become clingy or fearful of new situations; demonstrate aggression; experience difficulty sleeping; or may even appear to lose recently acquired skills. Let’s consider deployment and how it can affect children and families.

Emotional Characteristics of Deployment

部署是任何家庭的挑战。对于面临重复或多重部署的家庭，以下七阶段的情绪周期描述了他们的典型体验。

When families learn about the deployment, they are faced with preparing themselves financially, emotionally, and physically. The deploying parent may need to spend extra time at work prior to the departure. Both parents may spend a great deal of time getting ready for the deployment, packing, filling out paperwork, performing routine home or auto maintenance, finding babysitters or making extra child care arrangements.

在部署之前

For many families, especially those who have been deployed before, there may be a period of detachment or withdrawal prior to deployment. Family members might emotionally prepare themselves for the pain of separation by isolating themselves. During this period, there might be fights or anger.

孩子们在经历各种各样的情绪a deployment. They may not understand why their mother, father, or other family member has to leave. It is common for young children to feel that it is their "fault" that their parent is leaving. This happens often when children have unanswered questions about the deployment. Because young children's sense of time is not fully developed, they may feel anxious or confused about when a family member is leaving. They may not understand how long the separation will last or even that the separation is temporary. They may be confused by the changes they see in their household. Older children, especially those who have experienced deployment before may be angry, sad, or scared about their parent leaving. They may feel frustrated about additional household tasks they have been asked to take on. The deploying parent may need to spend extra hours at work in preparation for deployment, and the spouse may be making arrangements for life as a single parent by attending to necessary legal, medical, or financial matters.

All of these emotions can show themselves in different ways. During this stage, the child may act withdrawn, sad, or quiet. Changes in routines may make the child more likely to act out. You might see more aggressive behaviors, tantrums, crying, or regressing (e.g., problems with toilet training or thumb sucking).

During Deployment

When a family member begins their deployment, the at-home family members go through a period of disorganization. They may be sad and anxious about how the family will function. The at-home caregiver may feel overwhelmed by responsibility. It takes time to settle into new routines. Eventually the family recovers and develops routines that work for them; they have a new "normal."

Once the parent has deployed, children will go through a range of emotions. They may be sad, lonely, confused, angry, or scared. Fear of separation is one of the major concerns of young children. They may be afraid that the remaining parent will leave or abandon them. They may need constant reassurance that their parent or guardian is close by or will pick them up from child care. They may be afraid that the deployed parent is in danger.

In child development programs, you may see children behaving more aggressively. You may also see children become clingy, shy, quiet, or fearful. Fears are common for all young children, and deployment may increase their fears. They may be drawn to adults for comfort. Older children and youth may sometimes withdraw from adults. It is important to keep lines of communication open, and assure children and youth that you are there to listen and help them at this complex time.

After Deployment

由于返回的日子更接近，家庭准备了更多的变化。他们可能对家庭成员的回归感到兴奋。他们可能会对与部署的家庭成员的关系发生变化感到有点紧张。部署的家庭成员返回时，家庭通过另一个过渡。非部署的护理人员可能对其变化的作用感到混合;这个人已经“独自完成了”一段时间，必须重新协调角色和期望。孩子们也可能难以让部署的家庭成员恢复日常生活。部署的人可能会对他们适应家庭的疑虑。再次，随着时间的推移，家庭稳定。

Immediately before and after the parent returns, the child may be excited and energetic. The child may also feel a little nervous and shy about the parent returning. Depending on their age and experiences with previous deployments, children may be scared that they won’t recognize their parent. They may also be afraid that the parent will leave again. They may be confused by the changes happening in their home as family members visit and their parents negotiate new roles.

See

How can programs support children facing challenging life situations? Listen as family child care providers talk about supporting children and families who deal with stressful events.

Mental Health During Deployment

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Protective Factors: Fostering Resilience in Young Children and Families

There are characteristics of children and families that can protect them as they go through stressful events. Research on resilience in children demonstrates that a significant protective factor for children is the consistent presence of a caring, positive, and protective caregiver (Zero to Six Collaborative Group, National Child Traumatic Stress Network, 2010). This person can be an ongoing resource for the particular child, and can encourage them to talk about their experience, and provide reassurance that adults in the child’s life are working to keep them safe.

根据疾病控制和预防的中心和国家伤害预防和控制中心，当您时，您可以支持面临压力挑战的儿童：

• 尽可能维持一致的程序惯例。这为儿童提供了稳定性稳定和安全感的儿童。
• Provide opportunities for children to talk about what is going on, but do not force them to talk if they don’t want to. Encouraging children to talk about their feelings and validating them strengthens children’s coping as they hear that all their feelings are OK.
• 随着时间的推移，注意儿童行为的变化。例如，行为或从朋友撤出的行为的变化可能表明孩子需要额外的支持。
• 鼓励家庭连接与其他家庭who may be dealing with similar stressors. Connecting with others allows families to share experiences and healthy coping strategies.

The remainder of this lesson focuses on how you can support children and families before, during, and after deployment.

支持在部署之前

最重要的是，您可以帮助部署家庭找到所需的资源，例如军事一个来源（http://www.milelatehone.mil/）或特定服务中可用的其他资源。预部署前咨询可以帮助家庭学习如何为部署准备儿童。

Encourage families to talk with their children honestly about the deployment. It is important for families to help children understand:

• Why the parent is leaving: the deploying parent has an important job to do and they know how to do the job well; they are not going alone.
• When the deploying parent is leaving: for some children, using a calendar can provide a visual that can help decrease anxiety about when the parent is actually leaving.
• What the family will do together before the parent leaves.
• How the child will communicate with the parent while they are deployed.
• What will stay the same when the parent leaves: for example, one parent or guardian will still be here for breakfast and dinner, the child will still go to the same child care program, the family will still have fun together, etc.

Also encourage families to start thinking about ways to help the child feel close to the deployed parent. Are there personal items the parent and child can exchange before the deployment (e.g., a picture or favorite T-shirt)?

支持During Deployment

在部署期间，您可以帮助孩子和家庭维持正常的惯例尤为重要。在部署时期不是时候将孩子转换为新的照顾者。向孩子保证他们的父母将像往常一样选择孩子。提供很多拥抱和舒适。尽可能简单地回答孩子的问题。

Integrate emotional literacy and problem-solving into your curriculum. Help children learn to recognize and deal with emotions. Talk about emotions every day. Look at pictures of children with different emotions, read stories about feelings and deployment, do activities that let the child identify and talk about her or his feelings. Help the child develop strategies for calming down and dealing with anger or fear.

帮助父母解决问题的准备arise. Parents may be confused by changes in their child’s behavior. A parent may feel alone and unsure of how to provide discipline or guidance. The parent may feel frustrated by challenges with toilet training, tantrums, baby talk or talking back. The parent may go through periods of self-doubt, depression, or helplessness. Remember that it is important for parents to take care of their own mental and physical health. Help them connect with a Family Readiness Group, behavioral health counseling, or clergy. You can provide resources, training, and support around positive guidance and discipline. You can also help families think of ways to make life easier during the deployment. Use conversations, newsletters, and family nights to help families share ideas like:

• Keep track of time by putting a coin in a jar each day of the deployment; the child can buy the parent a homecoming gift upon their return
• Go on family hikes
• Have a family movie night
• 绘制图片或写信给部署的家庭成员
• Have a family camp-out in the yard
• Schedule “date nights” (or days) with each child individually
• Create a family calendar
• Figure out a special way to say goodnight to the deployed family member each night

部署后支持

Celebrate with the family and the child. Answer questions and let the child talk. Acknowledge the child’s feelings, and help the child find words or pictures to describe those feelings. Make sure they know all feelings are OK. It is normal to feel shy or nervous when you haven’t seen someone for a while. Recognize that this is a major transition for the family, and they will likely need to be connected with resources and supports. Work with your program to identify resources you can share.

If you work with infants and toddlers, see the resource,部署和到家：军事家庭中婴儿和幼儿的现实（零到2009年），并考虑您可以支持应对其军事服务父母部署和重返社会的非常幼儿的方式。

案例示例

阅读以下情景，并考虑在部署不同阶段支持您在护理中支持儿童的建议。

Wayne and Natalia, parents of a child in your program, both serve in the military. They met while on assignment in Asia and have been serving together around the world ever since. They love traveling and living in new places. In their eight-year marriage, they have had two international assignments. They had their first child, Ximena, four years ago, and she is now a child in your family child care program. Although they have moved frequently, they have never been deployed at the same time—until now. Wayne and Natalia have both been assigned six-month tours of duty. In some regards, Wayne and Natalia feel well-prepared for the trip: They know Natalia’s mother will care for Ximena, and they have completed all the pre-deployment paperwork for Ximena’s insurance and care. They feel less prepared for the emotional toll of such a long separation. What can you do to help this family, and particularly Ximena, before, during, and after the dual deployment?

You may consider the following:

• Encourage the family to begin talking with Ximena about the upcoming deployment.
• Talk about where the parents are going and why.
• Prepare Ximena for what will stay the same: she’ll still sleep at grandma’s like she does sometimes now, she’ll still go to your family child care program, play her favorite games, eat her favorite foods, and have her special dolls and toys.
• Create personalized stories about her parents and what is going on while they are away for Ximena to read with you while she is in your program.
• 在困难时期创建一个可以舒适的特殊物品（例如，从妈妈或爸爸的衬衫中享用枕头的枕头睡觉。
• Provide Ximena with a consistent routine and predictable rituals at child care.
• Include reminders at child care about routines that seem difficult for Ximena. You can do the same about routines that have been challenging at home as well.
• 与Ximena谈论情绪，并鼓励她通过向父母绘制图片或书写笔记来分享她的情感。当她需要额外的支持时安慰她。请记住，您可以帮助幼儿写出他们大声共享的单词。
• Share messages or notes that the parents send to your child care program to be shared with Ximena.
• 梅娜的问题或提供诚实的反应comments about her parents. For example, if she shares that she is scared, you can say, “I am scared sometimes, too,” or you can address a question about her parents by saying, “Your mommy and daddy are doing everything they can to be safe.” Avoid elaborate responses which can be overwhelming to her.
• When Ximena’s parents return home, help Ximena talk about her emotions: anxiety, shyness, excitement. Make sure she knows all emotions are OK.
• 组织一项特殊活动，曾经从部署中回来了Ximena和她的父母。例如，父母午餐或野餐。
• Encourage Ximena to share how she feels.

Take Care of Yourself

You provide crucial support for children and families. You cannot do that, however, if you don’t take care of yourself. Helping children through difficult and sometimes tragic times can be incredibly challenging. You might find that your own mental health mirrors that of the people around you. Make sure you take time to reflect on your own needs. Talk to people around you about your feelings. Talk to your trainer, coach, or administrator about resources in your community for families experiencing deployment or loss. Taking care of yourself will make you better able to care for children. You also can learn more about self-care in theSocial & Emotional Learning for Teachers (SELF-T)and theSelf & Cultural Understandingcourses.